BDSM Glossary

This glossary is intended as a guide to many of the terms you might hear in the BDSM community. Don’t everyone who is involved with BDSM is into everything listed here; many of the specific practices described in the Glossary are quite rare. Nobody is into everything, and even in the BDSM community, not everyone has the same tastes, the same limits, or the same ideas.

If you see something described in here which you personally find disturbing or offputting, that’s fine; it doesn’t mean that you aren’t or can’t be interested in BDSM.

BDSM

A composite acronym for “B&D” (bondage & discipline); “D&S” (dominance & submission); and “S&M” (sadomasochism). Used to refer to any consensual activities or lifestyles between adults which include some or all of these things. The term “BDSM” is used in a general sense to describe any situation or practice which includes erotic power exchange, dominance and submission, pain play, bondage, sensation play, or anything related to these.

BDSM activities and relationships differ from conventional activities and relationships in that they are based on the concept of partners taking on deliberately unequal but complementary roles, in an eroticized – but not always sexual – context. I.G. Frederick’s novel Dommemoir, for example, is a fictionalized story of one woman’s quest for complete ownership and control of her male slave. Beyond these basic tenets of eroticism, and of purposefully unequal roles within an activity or an interpersonal relationship, there is almost nothing which universally unites all the disparate subcultures which are grouped under the umbrella term BDSM. Interpersonal relationships which are based on the social conventions of one of the BDSM subcultures, exist in marked contrast with the current Western ideal of such relationships being based on a partnership between equals.

While the terminology for these unequal roles varies widely within the various BDSM subcultures, Top and Dominant are widely recognized terms for those partner(s) in the relationship or activity which are respectively the physically active or controlling participants, and Bottom and Submissive are widely recognized terms for those partner(s) in the relationship or activity which are respectively the physically receptive or controlled participants. The interaction between Tops and Bottoms, where physical and/or mental control of the Bottom is surrendered to the Top – whether in the context of a short term encounter typically referred to as a scene, or in the context of a longer-term relationship – is sometime known as power exchange.

BDSM actions often take place during a specific period of time agreed to by both parties, referred to as “play,” “a scene” or “a session.” All parties involved usually derive pleasure from this, even though many of the practices that are performed, such as inflicting pain, humiliation or being restrained would be considered unpleasant under normal circumstances. Sexual intercourse, be it oral, anal or vaginal, may occur within a session, but is not essential.

The fundamental principles for the exercise of BDSM require that it should be performed by mature and responsible partners, of their own volition, and in a safe way. Since the 1980s these basic principles have been condensed into the motto “Safe, sane and consensual”, abbreviated as SSC, which means that everything is based on safe, sane and consenting behavior of all involved parties. This mutual consent makes a clear legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and crimes such as sexual assault or domestic violence.

Some BDSM practitioners prefer a code of behavior that differs from “SSC” and described as “Risk Aware Consensual Kink” (RACK), indicating a preference of a style in which the individual responsibility of the involved parties is emphasized more strongly, with each participant being responsible for his or her own well-being. RACK focuses primarily upon awareness and informed consent, rather than accepted safe practices. Consent is the most important criterion here. The consent and compliance for a sadomasochistic situation can be granted only by people who are able to judge the potential results. For their consent, they must have all relevant information (extent to which the scene will go, potential risks, if a safeword will be used, what that is, etc.) at hand and the necessary mental capacity to judge. The resulting consent and understanding is often summarized in a “contract”, an agreement of what can and cannot take place.

In general, it must be possible for the consenting partner to withdraw his or her consent at any given time; for example, by using a safeword that was agreed on in advance. Failure to honor a safeword is considered the most serious misconduct that can take place in BDSM and can even change the sexual consent situation into a crime, depending on the relevant law, since the bottom has explicitly revoked his or her consent to any actions which follow the use of the safeword.

BDSM Equimpent

Bondage

Any practice involving tying or securing a person, as with ropes, cuffs, chains, or other restraints. Restraint bondage, the most common form of bondage, involves immobilizing a person, by tying or otherwise restraining him or her to an object or by binding his or her limbs together. Stimulation bondage is any form of tying in such a way that the subject is not immobilized and has freedom of motion, but the ropes or ties shift and move against the body, often in sensitive or erogenous areas; certain forms of shibari are stimulation bondage.

Some couples do incorporate elements of bondage into their otherwise conventional sex lives at some point in their relationships. Bedroom bondage games often constitute foreplay. Bedroom bondage is usually mild bondage, with one partner voluntarily being put into restraints by being tied up or cuffed, hogtied or spread-eagled, possibly blindfolded and gagged etc. by the other, who then sexually stimulates the tied partner theoretically at will by masturbation, oral sex, a vibrator or intercourse.

The tied partner’s satisfaction is often indicated by writhing, struggling or vocalizations etc. The free partner may derive erotic pleasure or achieve sexual arousal from being in a dominant situation, while the tied partner may achieve arousal from being in a largely “helpless” position in the hands of a trusted partner. Either way, the partners may be playing out the bondage games to act out their sexual fantasies (not necessarily the same one) and many established couples find the experience relationship-affirming, as they both require and imply a level of trust between them that is not normally found within more casual relationships, as well as being a shared facet of their private and personal sex lives.

This form of bondage has its own niche on some internet websites, where images and movies usually depict voluntarily-tied models undergoing inescapable intense sexual pleasure, rather than any menace, force or pain.
Safety rules followed by couples are frequently oral or visual context- and trust-based as the tied partner may be held in a submissive sexual position. Sex therefore takes place with their pre-given consent as e.g. a sex game or rape fantasy enactment. In contrast, e.g. a photograph not agreed upon taken while the restrained person is incapable of resisting can be considered non-consensual.

The use of bondage by couples in their homes tends to be different from that associated with bondage in (for example) a BDSM dungeon, where bondage may be an end in itself with no sexual contact at all and is often combined with infliction of pain.

Bondage Techniques

Bondage Positions

Leave a Reply